Bluer than Blue

I know this is unrelated but I am more depressed than usual. I don't know if it's because Christmas is coming, my birthday coming, or not being married and having kids. I just feel so alone and long to hold Maylin in my arms. Fundraising isn't going so well and I wonder if it's God's way of saying Maylin will never come home. All I want for Christmas is to be married and get a good start on funds for Maylin's adoption. All I want to do is cry right now.